Thursday, 16 October 2014

'Calorie Negative' Diet Meals Set To Revolutionise Modern Diets

Eat yourself slim could soon be about to become a reality!

Drilimba fruit: A calorie negative food.
With the prevalence of image conscious marketing in today's media, the pressure to get fit and stay slim is perhaps stronger than ever.  However, thanks to recent natural discoveries, combined with developments in food separation technologies, losing weight may just be about to get that little bit easier.  If the prospect of 'calorie negative' meals sounds appealing then read on to discover more...

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For decades anthropologists had observed the Bandia Kabila tribe from the hilly northern regions of Peru and wondered how they managed to stay so slim given their notoriously indulgent diets and the distinct lack of exercise from their daily routines.  The answer was eventually uncovered when it was discovered that the drilimba fruit, which makes up a significant part of the Bandia Kabila tribe diet, requires more energy for the human stomach to digest it than the fruit actually contains!  So in effect every time you eat a portion of drilimba fruit you get a net calorie intake of -26 calories!*

* Figures relate to an average sized drilimba fruit sample and are taken from the University of Central Wisconsin report published in August 2012.

On paper at least therefore the drilimba fruit seems like a genuine ‘miracle’ food for anyone on a diet trying to lose weight.  However, there are some unfortunate drawbacks.  Although the Bandia Kabila tribe regard the drilimba fruit as a delicacy, unfortunately most Western palettes find the taste of the drilimba fruit to be overpoweringly pungent.  I’ve never tried it myself, but the taste has been described as ‘a cross between rotting tomatoes and smelly feet’ and also like ‘mouldy mushrooms smeared in tomato sauce’.  As with many miracle foods, it would therefore seem the drilimba fruit is not without its drawbacks.

The hilly northern regions of Peru, home to the Bandia Kabila tribe,
responsible for the discovery of 'calorie negative' foods.
However, scientists recently made a breakthrough when they were able to isolate the two composite elements in drilimba fruit responsible for the calorie burning effect.  Food technicians have subsequently managed to incorporate these elements into diet meals with the result that the first 'calorie negative' meals could be on the market by early 2015.

Obviously developments such as these are closely monitored by the FDA* and equivalent organisations around the world to ensure strict safety, but early tests indicate that safety won't be an issue and these radical new diet meals could be available within a few months.

* Food and Drugs Administration.

As for the taste issue, the PR people have claimed that the two calorie burning elements of drilimba fruit are distinct from the ingredients which give the fruit its pungent flavour, so there should therefore be no crossover of unpleasant taste when producing the 'calorie negative' ready meals.

If all goes to plan, we could therefore see the first 'calorie negative' ready meals on our shelves by the end of 2016, and the term 'eat yourself slim' could be about to become a reality.

Scroll down the page for details on how to order the first 'calorie negative' ready meals once they go on sale...

Please note, calorie negative meals don't actually exist, and I don't mean because the technology hasn't quite been perfected yet.  I mean because I made them up.  Similarly, drilimba fruit doesn't exist either (the photo is actually a photo-shopped passion fruit), and neither does the Bandia Kabila tribe exist.  I just made them up as well.  The good news, however, is that if you want to lose weight then all it takes is determination and will power.  The bad news though, is that you can't buy those attributes from a supermarket, and they have to come from inside.

This story was written by Charles Fudgemuffin.  Charles' alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books are available from Amazon for kindle.  As a promotional offer, the first book in the series is currently available as a free download for UK/US readers:
Free alien comedy ebook!

Or alternatively, search for 'Charles Fudgemuffin' on Amazon.  As with most Kindle books, you can also download the first few chapters as a free sample.

Please note, the 'How To Save The World' books are suitable for ages 18+ and are not recommended for prudes or squares.

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